You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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