All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
