hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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