Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize