Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
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I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
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we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??