Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.

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  (404): Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are. http://tfl.nu/hb6o
  Replies (10) Good night (3703) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.

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  (310): It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples. http://tfl.nu/vzvv
  Replies (14) Good night (2728) Bad night (1079)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo

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  (201): One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo http://tfl.nu/izrq
  Replies (16) Good night (4932) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.

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  (832): Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse. http://tfl.nu/qyce
  Replies (4) Good night (895) Bad night (3055)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  He made me a "booty call of the year" award.

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  (360): He made me a "booty call of the year" award. http://tfl.nu/7b1z
  Replies (15) Good night (3918) Bad night (1384)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.

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  (816): He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock. http://tfl.nu/m79f
  Replies (5) Good night (2544) Bad night (770)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night

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  (314): Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night http://tfl.nu/67n5
  Replies (10) Good night (2870) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I didn't know

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  (703): You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday... (410): I didn't know http://tfl.nu/kzg0
  Replies (1) Good night (1647) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.

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  (512): Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door. http://tfl.nu/gaii
  Replies (9) Good night (1075) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.

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  (479): He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background. http://tfl.nu/fwy9
  Replies (7) Good night (723) Bad night (1585)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.

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  (816): I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week. (1-816): I think we all know your liver needs a man's name. http://tfl.nu/bufv
  Replies (7) Good night (1146) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.

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  (617): We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over. http://tfl.nu/57ta
  Replies (0) Good night (838) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer

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  (214): Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer http://tfl.nu/w9ex
  Replies (3) Good night (623) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.

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  (847): Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly. http://tfl.nu/095f
  Replies (0) Good night (523) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.

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  (352): He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes. http://tfl.nu/iekj
  Replies (1) Good night (714) Bad night (177)

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