it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.