Texts From Last Night

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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I like to think it a success when the cops are called

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  (602): I like to think it a success when the cops are called http://tfl.nu/b8sa
  Replies (3) Good night (1421) Bad night (603)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.

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  (509): I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo. http://tfl.nu/veuj
  Replies (16) Good night (4725) Bad night (584)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Your favorite bartender is back from prision

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  (563): Your favorite bartender is back from prision http://tfl.nu/uuje
  Replies (12) Good night (6529) Bad night (871)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground

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  (617): were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground http://tfl.nu/2c7r
  Replies (40) Good night (10926) Bad night (1264)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes

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  (479): I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes http://tfl.nu/u839
  Replies (25) Good night (4218) Bad night (1309)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink

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  (305): he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink http://tfl.nu/w0ij
  Replies (12) Good night (7278) Bad night (1214)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers

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  (310): I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers http://tfl.nu/hjyr
  Replies (4) Good night (2393) Bad night (946)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.

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  (540): Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft. http://tfl.nu/aaf2
  Replies (3) Good night (3104) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.

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  (509): You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed. http://tfl.nu/gs8p
  Replies (7) Good night (1283) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?

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  (630): I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room? http://tfl.nu/9f6x
  Replies (11) Good night (645) Bad night (1632)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.

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  (763): After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer. http://tfl.nu/6vsc
  Replies (9) Good night (1272) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Again, totally unrelated

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  (902): On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel (902): Again, totally unrelated http://tfl.nu/6fey
  Replies (4) Good night (569) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.

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  (360): Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight. http://tfl.nu/kads
  Replies (2) Good night (357) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.

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  (248): Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us. http://tfl.nu/bddr
  Replies (4) Good night (1051) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?

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  (517): Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet? http://tfl.nu/vxlg
  Replies (2) Good night (226) Bad night (572)

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