if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.