Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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