I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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