I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
