im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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