Taylor Swift is so right about you.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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