i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
