You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
