I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
