Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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