who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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