Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
