Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
