You're my little dorito
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
