It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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