Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
