I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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