Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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