I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
