It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
