I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
