she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
