Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
