how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
