Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
