Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
