Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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