We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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