youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
