this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
