I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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