Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
