So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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