and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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