just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
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Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
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All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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