When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
