you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
