i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
