Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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