you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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