there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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