yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
