dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
