Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
