he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
