apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
