I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
