Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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