I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
