i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
