I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
