Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
