This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
