stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
