started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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