you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
