Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
