Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
