Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
