Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
