i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
