Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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