I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
