Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
