Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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