Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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