U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
