I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
